Mom plots to prevent sister-in-law from holding her 6-month-old twins after she declines to help her with fertility-boosting diet lets her sister say she isn't the 'real aunt' of her daughter: 'At this point I realized how fake and self-centered she was'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Mar 25, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

A new baby in the family is usually a happy time, and something that people want to celebrate. However, it is also a momentous change that normally takes a lot of adjusting to, and by extension, something that can cause a lot of strain and tension within already shaky familial relationships. This is only amplified if there are any struggles with things like conception or the relationship between the parents. There is a lot to consider beyond the momentous life marker that is creating a whole new person.

It's no surprise that when they have to take all of these things into account, new parents can sometimes have issues with staying level-headed. When you have sleep deprivation and hormonal changes messing with your mind, it can be difficult to see the wood for the trees. Sometimes, all it takes is a relatively minor issue to start a downward spiral. Perspective is needed.

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  • This is something that one new mom struggled with as she pondered whether she should exact petty revenge on her sister-in-law, Julie. She had always found her difficult, and her resentment grew after she requested that Julie give her some dietary tips to help her in her struggle to conceive, and she flaked on her. 

    After that, she took offense when Julie offered to let her hold her baby, but her sister Victoria declined to let her because she wasn't the ‘real’ aunt.

    Eventually giving birth to twins herself, the woman pondered if she should get her own back by preventing Julie from holding her kids when she next saw them. She wondered if it was taking things too far.

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    WIBTA for telling someone they can’t hold my baby because they aren’t the 'real' aunt?

    Buckle up. This is a long one. My husband's sister-in-law (we will call her Julie, 29f) is kinda fake. She will woo you in person but has absolutely no interest in responding to texts, calls or Marco Polos. It took me a couple years to realize she didn't like me. The straw on the camel's back for me (after giving so many chances because after all, I could be reading the situation wrong) was when she didn't respond to my text about helping me with a diet to hopefully improve my fertility. We had
    via Pale-Bake-9661
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    Saturday came and went with no word. That's fine - things get busy, I understand. So that night I texted and asked her what she thought would be a good time for the next day and that I was super flexible and didn't have plans. She didn't respond. At this point I realized how fake and self-centered she was (again- this is not a singular event), that it was all a show. She had no intention of helping me. I mean, it didn't need to be in person, it could have just as easily been done over a call, or
    via Pale-Bake-9661
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    Fast forward a couple years and my husband and I have failed a couple rounds of IVF and Julie had a baby that was about 3-4 months old. We hadn't seen the baby yet because of sickness, but finally a party came along and we were feeling well enough to join. Julie offered to let me hold the baby, but her sister Victoria (32f) jumped in and said "no I will hold her. I'm her REAL aunt." I mean... WTF? Apparently marrying into the family doesn't count? Julie said nothing and handed the baby to Victor
    via Pale-Bake-9661
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    People weren't sure that anybody was being reasonable in this situation.

    Character_Log_5444 NTA I guess. She's obviously an AH, but you shouldn't be an AH to yourself. Put this woman out of your mind. She certainly doesn't think of you. If no one else is around and you need to pee, maybe let her hold a baby. Other than that, ignore her. Just remember to have her toddler keep their grubby little paws off your babies. Love on your babies. Don't give her another thought. Congratulations on your happy family. Enjoy every minute!
    via Character_Log_5444
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    Possible_Dig_1194 Lady. You have 2 kids to focus on. Why are you freaking out about petty BS?
    via Possible_Dig_1194
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    RNH213PDX I would hope that you think of yourself as more sophisticated and mature than to have a playdate in her sad, sad sandbox. Don't do it.
    via RNH213PDX
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    RandChick With all due respect, you sound ridiculous. Why are you asking someone to help with your fertility diet just because they are vegan? Ask a professional dietician or fertility specialist. She probably felt obligated to say yes but did not want to help with somethig that really requires a professional. As far as holding the babies, she did offer so I don't know why you want to be petty and deny her a chance with your baby. The blood aunt interrupted and you stayed quiet instead of saying
    via RandChick
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    i_raise_anarchists Good grief. Do you think Julie even remembers some mean-spirited, crummy thing that her sister said to you in her general presence 3 years ago?! I want you to seriously ask yourself why are you holding onto this grudge so hard? Because she was a flake 3 years ago while she was either trying to get pregnant or very newly pregnant and her hormones were all over the place and probably making her forgetful? Show some compassion, girl. Just let it go.
    via i_raise_anarchists
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    Many_Monk708 I think you're perfectly within your rights to do whatever you want. YWNBTA. But I'd match her energy and just ignore her. She asks to hold the baby, say sure in a minute, and then never respond. She clearly doesn't give a flying crap about you so I honestly don't think she will care about your children. If you want to really be petty just lay a piece of bacon accross them before she takes them. If she's a militant vegan that will really piss her off.
    via Many_Monk708
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    Traditional-Neck7778 Seriously? ESH. That is so petty
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    nutkinknits And there are children involved in this mess now. Let it go and let your kids grow up together. They are going to pick up on this pettiness and it's going to snowball if you don't keep it in check now.
    via nutkinknits
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    annang You all sound absolutely exhausting.
    via annang
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    Kicklt77 Victoria is the AH. She is the one who said that. Julie offered to let you hold the baby. You could have said oh my gosh, I am so excited to cuddle my new niece. Put me in line please! You said nothing and Victoria stepped up faster. Was that kind? No. But it isn't unusual for everyone to want a go when there is a new baby to pass. It's no one's job to chase you around to hold a baby. Julie was under no obligation to baby step you on a diet. She was in town for the weekend. It may have
    via KickIt77
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    Jmfroggie Yta. No one has to drop anything to be at your beck and call... some people don't text or don't get involved with people they aren't close to. She didn't owe you a diet plan. You're pissed at her for something her sister said.... You're ridiculously entitled and not mature enough to be in charge of kids if this is what's on your mind and how you want to treat other people.
    via Jmfroggie
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    QuirkySyrup55947 YWBTA. Also, I can almost 100% guarantee she doesn't want to hold your kids anyway. Once you have your own little kids, you usually don't really clamor to involve yourself with holding others. All she is going to do is read into the fact that you are petty.
    via QuirkySyrup55947
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    PrettyLittleAccident I'm between ESH and YTA. You both sound self-absorbed and exhausting. But you seem to be mostly pissed that she wouldn't create a diet to help you get pregnant and call her "self centered" for not paying attention to you and answering your messages when you don't sound close at all and a lot of people aren't big on phone conversations, text or calls. She didn't even make the comment about her blood sister "being the real aunt" and was more than happy to let you hold the baby
    via PrettyLittleAccident
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    genescheesesthatplz Why are you owed her attention? Why does she have to like you? Why are you punishing your SIL for her sister being rude? Why are you choosing to be petty and entitled to someone else's good favor? YTA. Grow up. Move on.
    via genescheesesthatplz
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    PomegranateReal3620 What is the goal of this, other than being petty? I get that she was rude to you, but rude seems to be her resting pulse. I'm a Petty Patty and down for a good petty, but don't you have more important priorities at the moment? Enjoy your babies. Immerse yourself in your little miracles. Let the creativity of the universe be her comeuppance. Karma is not her friend.
    via PomegranateReal3620
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    Alive-Palpitation336 You have twins. They're more important than going on this schoolgirl revenge quest for something said & done years ago. Let it go rather than letting it eat at you.
    via Alive-Palpitation336
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    United-Plum1671 How tf are you old enough to have children given your immature mentality
    via United-Plum1671

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